Childrens toys are terrifyingly bright.

I was Christmas shopping this past weekend with my older brother, and while perusing the childrens toys aisle, I could not help but notice how jarringly colorful kids toys are. I felt over stimulated, and exhausted looking at all the primary colors, rendered even more bright by the lights overhead.

I wonder if children feel the same way? Is there any scientific way to quantify a childs reaction to varying shades of certain colors. Would their brains develop differently if they were exposed to more muted tones? And if they did, how would much different would it be from exposure to radioactive yellows and blues. I could probably dig into this a little deeper, but I'm in a non-responsive mood.

Basically how I'm feeling:

God love LIZ.

I am...

Very happy for him. I honestly did not think that it could ever be any other way, but I did fool myself into thinking that it would be. With only one week left, it's getting increasingly more difficult to reconcile the fact that he is in fact leaving. I know I will be OK though, but not for a little while. Even though I know he feels the same way, that he cares for me the same, I have noticed a change in his behavior since we got back to DC from NYC. He's definitely withdrawing from me, though I wish he would not allow himself to. I wish he could see that there is freedom in just allowing some things to be, without forced behaviors dictating the energy around us. It feels inauthentic. And, that is something I would have never said about any of this until two weeks ago.

We are both young, and have so many more years to live, and things to accomplish that I think we will get lost in the ceremony of it all but I know for a fact (And I seem to be the king of grand proclamations) that I will remember the time I spent with him for the rest of my life, because he has truly revived me in a way that I never thought was conceivable.

Drowning in...

All of my thoughts. I can't even begin to dissect them.

Just getting it out...

There are times, though very rare, when you meet someone who changes you in such a way that you know the moments spent with them will remain with you forever.

I guess I have to reconcile the fact that there's finality in the physical but permanence in the memories.

Feels good, feels great.

I miss the 90's.



But I'm not chasing after the past.

I am.

Such a fucking dork.

This way.

It's not often that I meet someone so intrinsically wonderful that I'm shaken out of my lethargy in such a way that I want to change every aspect of my life for the better. I know I'm being a bit dramatic, but I'm an artist, and that's my right.

Over the past few weeks I've been hanging out with a guy I met around town, who is working here temporarily. He's originally from Canada, and will be returning in December. I've fallen pretty hard, so it's a bit difficult to reconcile this fact, though I'm experienced enough to know that I'll likely get over it, I'm not sure if I want to.

This entire year has had such a resounding affect on me that I really do feel CHANGED. Overwhelmingly so. And the experience of just being near him has shaken me to the core, and he doesn't even know it. It would be unwise to pursue something for the next few weeks knowing that it will eventually meet it's finality. But, it almost seems like it would be worth it. I don't know, a series of coincidences led me to him in the first place, maybe history will repeat itself.

Above is a portrait I did of him, for him. Which is something I NEVER do for a man.

Vanna is contemplating his life.

Clouds and dust recoil
As winter seeds in snow

A Life Right.

To being happy.

Knowing something this unexpected and so mystically wonderful is a rarity for me. I finally understand why these moments are so fleeting. You would never know the difference if it wasn't taken away from you.

It has been great just enjoying this though, and I am going to take it for what it is. Thanks Ryan.